Tuesday, June 19, 2018

yay happy

So I'm feeling pretty good about life right now. Yesterday I got off work a little before 10pm which is nice because then I feel like I have some time to run around and do stuff before I go to bed. My job is good. Just serving at a restaurant but making decent tips and actually doing stable financially. So that's amazing.

So something I really like is finding furniture that people put on the sidewalk. Is that gross? I always clean it inside and out before using it! I even got a side table once that I sanded all over and repainted turquoise and it's so perfect because my amp for my guitar fits into it perfectly. I'm pretty lazy about practicing but one day I swear I'm gonna be a rockstar. When I'm ready.

So anyways, last night, I'm about to be home, I'm driving up the alley on the way to my parking spot, and there's a nice dresser thing left outside! It was super heavy and pretty big, I had to fold down the back seats of my car to get it to fit, but I was able to get it in there and now it's in my house! It's pretty deep and has like four shelves in it so it fits a lot of stuff! It's perfect for storing my arts and crafts supplies with plenty of space. I already had a set of drawers in the living room with arts and crafts supplies but now I can space things out and when I open a drawer or look at a shelf I can clearly see all my supplies without having to dig around. I had so much stuff I had forgotten about! There have been times when. I go to the craft store to buy supplies and then I come home and realize I already have exactly what I just bought. Super annoying and wasteful really. But now I'm more organized than ever and even got rid of some stuff that was just taking up space.

I've been living in my apartment for like 8 years but I still occassionally reorganize things and re-decorate here and there. It's really fun. I love that I get to have my own space where I have basically made the living room into an art studio. I'm just really happy and comfortable in my home. Growing up I had to go back and forth between my parent's housess and it was HORRIBLE. I HATED IT. So having a home that really feels like a home is a big deal for me. It's my sanctuary <3

I am just sitting in my living room looking at how organized and clean everything is and I'm just very grateful and happy. I'm at a really good place in my life and I want to capture that.

Yesterday while I was cleaning I found a list of daily goals I had made when I was 10 years old. I could see that my mom had added "pray at least once a day" to the bottom of the list haha. I think it's interesting she not only added to my list, but that she said to pray "at least" once a day like you're supposed to pray multiple times a day. I don't think that's a rule with Catholics. Also, I used to go to Catholic school and when I was like 8 years old I straight up told my mom I didn't want to go anymore and she was like ok. And since then religion has never been my favorite, especially the Jesus-y ones. But still, the sentiment is something I appreciate. "Pray at least once a day." Hm. That's actually a warm and fuzzy kind of thing. I don't pray everyday but I feel like that can translate to being grateful. I try to take some time everyday to stop and think about all the things in my life that I should be thankful for and how I can try to share that happiness with others by being a good person and helping others when I can. And that's basically praying I guess.

I don't know... I'm just happy. I'm doing ok money wise, better than before for sure. My boyfriend and I are doing well, I'm making an effort to be more present for my friends and family, I'm healthy and working out here and there, and I don't know. Life is good. I always try to just express myself when I'm happy and not just be in the habit of always complaining which is an easy pattern to fall into.

So if bad things happen I can think back to this moment right now and be happy because I know this is attainable and I will have this happiness again.

Wednesday, May 16, 2018

commiting to fail

I've been sewing a lot lately. This past week I've been using all of my free time to work on my costumes for EDC Las Vegas. My flight to Las Vegas is later today but just last night I was up until 4am finishing a costume. I assume since there was no banging on the ceiling that my neighbors were not bothered by the sound of my sewing machine hehe.

My favorite thing to do arts and crafts wise is crocheting even though I also really enjoy knitting, working with clay and sewing. But the problem with crocheting is that it is extremely time consuming. It allows me the freedom to create basically anything I want as long as I can imagine the general shape of it in my head but it also can be very daunting to start a project because depending on how big or detailed it is it can take days, weeks, or even months to complete something. There have been times when I was so in the zone and so eager to finish a project that I'd work on it for hours and hours until I got shooting pains in my hands from the repetitive motion. Also, things that are crocheted are thick and can be very heavy.

So sewing is just more appropriate for making a lot of things because it can be faster, and the type of material you end up with can be much more varied since there are so many materials you can sew with. There are many types of yarn you can crochet with but I prefer to work with worsted weight aka 4 weight yarn because it's readily available in craft stores, comes in a large variety of colors, and is the most inexpensive. But for clothing it can be just too thick.

But still, I generally like to stick to crocheting to make things because it's so easy for me and I can make pretty much anything. But for one of my costumes for EDC this year I did the whole thing with sewing. I have a little sewing machine, one of the teeny simple ones that is like $40 on Amazon, and even though sometimes I push it to the limit in terms of what it can handle and it will jam or the thread will straight up rip every now and again, it still gets the job done with good results. I'm so happy with how the costume turned out! I am not the best at sewing, but I'm gonna wear this costume while dancing in the desert at night at a rave full of crazy people so I don't think anyone will be too critical of my somewhat sloppy stitching.

I'm just really excited to be getting into sewing more and to have actually completed a sewing project and have results that really make me proud! I have been intimidated by sewing machines for a long time... My nana, my grandmother on my dad's side, actually bought me a little pink sewing machine as a gift a long time ago... It is so thoughtful because she had bought it for me before I got really invested in making art but I guess she recognized that I was creative and thought I would like it. She passed away and I really regret that I didn't make use of the sewing  machine while she was still with us so I could show her things I made and make her happy. I actually stupidly broke the sewing machine she gave me too because when I was still learning to use it I tugged too hard on some fabric that was in it and I broke it... I feel really bad about that. But now I am sewing and I think about her whenever I do. It's a good thing she just got me a little mini sewing machine and not a big nice one... At least I didn't break a big nice one.

But that's how I learn... by messing up and breaking stuff until I get things right. And that's what arts and crafts is. Making things takes a lot of effort and time but not even because the actual finished project is very complicated or difficult. It's because if you are creating something original you have no instructions and are just kind of winging it. You have to keep trying and trying until you get the results you want and that could mean that you invest a lot of time in making part of it a certain way only to get close to thinking that you're finished and then realize that you messed up and have to start all over again. In order to succeed you have to fail sometimes a lot and sometimes really badly.

I'll work and work and work and then hold up what I'm working on or try to connect it to another piece or if it's a clothing item I'll try it on, and I'll realize that it just doesn't work. Sometimes I can undo some of the work and salvage some of it but often I have to throw the whole thing away and start over again.

But that's just how it's meant to be. That work that is undone or completely thrown away was not a waste of time. It was a learning process. Those mistakes improved my skills enough to eventually do things the right way. When attempting a new original project or even recreating work that I've made many times before, I know that I could potentially fail and have to try again. Maybe even multiple times. And that's ok. I love making things enough to be ok with failing at it sometimes.

And that's what makes you good at anything, failure! If you're not willing to fail at something then you will never be good at it. Rarely are you going to succeed at something or get the exact results you want on your first try. You have to accept the inevitable failures, learn from your mistakes, and have the strength to try and try again. And that's beautiful.

I feel like making art makes people whole. I feel like every single person needs a creative outlet. It helps you get out your feelings, clear out your mind, it's like meditating on a really high level. It takes your natural human ingenuity and intelligence and applies it to something that expresses emotion and your personality and the end result is that you're left with something beautiful that you can share with the world.

When I am making art I feel like I am being the most myself I can be. There is no posing, no false pretense, no desire to look cool, just this pure creative drive to achieve a vision in my head. To have a concept for something I want to create in my mind and see it come to fruition by using my own hands is so satisfying that I feel like words cannot adequately describe the joy it gives me. It's like I'm fulfilling my life's purpose. I'm not going to be a world famous artist, my art won't make me rich, but the fact that I can imagine something and then create it gives me the most perfect feeling of peace and joy I've ever experienced.

My living room is a toy box combined with an arts and crafts room and it is a paradise. I put on music or something funny on tv for background noise, take out all the supplies and tools I need, and then I just disappear into my own mind and create freely. I lose track of time, I forget about reality, and I watch my hands take all the feelings I don't have words for in my mind and turn them into something beautiful.

I'm so happy to feel brave enough to fail and fail and fail and then eventually succeed at sewing something. This marks a turning point in my life. I have so many more ideas, so many more dreams, that have been stuck in my head that I didn't ever really think I would realize. But now that I've had one success I am hopeful for many many more. I'm going to make bags and dresses and toys and gifts! I'm going to day dream about things I want to make and I'm going to turn them into reality that I can hold in my hands and really feel!

It's not just a fun hobby to make art. It's fulfilling a greater purpose. It's becoming in tune with what it truly means to be human. Flawed but passionate. Hard working and determined. Creative and driven. Alive. Really and truly alive.

I'm in such a good place in my life right now. I'm in love. I have my friends and family really present in my life. I've been taking better care of my body than ever before and I feel the results. And my creative mind is sharp and ready to take risks and make mistakes.

I was helping sew some pockets into a jacket my boyfriend is wearing as one of his costumes for EDC. He said he wants to buy me a nicer sewing machine. I said he doesn't have to do that and a nice full size sewing machine can be upwards of $300. He said that doesn't matter and he wants to get me one because he knows I'd enjoy it and get good use out of it. I hope we get married.

Ok! I have to go back to reality and stop talking about my infinite universe of mushy feelings! I need to pack! Thank you internet for listening I guess? Haha. Peace and love peace and love peace and love go forth and smash the day punch the sun in the face and I hope you get everything you dream about and that love finds you <3 <3 <3 <3

Saturday, March 3, 2018

No more straws!

The very first part of this video is graphic! Like, they throw it in your face in the first few seconds of the video! Don't click play until you are prepared to see something sad!

Everytime I use a straw I think about that poor sea turtle that got one stuck in it's nose. I didn't know sea turtles even made noise until I heard it crying in pain! Here's the full video of that turtle if you're dying of curiousity...

I carry silicone straws in my purse in a little baggy. I also keep some in my car's glove box. Sometimes I forget them but I usually remember. Asking for no straw with drinks I order is annoying, and sometimes out of habit they bring me one anyways, but I just say excuse me no thank you and I give it right back.

Be sure to get reusable straws that come with a pipecleaner so when you wash them you can clean the inside well. Lots of companies make them and they come made out of metal, glass and silicone. If you are out somewhere with me and we get drinks I'll lend you one of my straws, I try to keep a habit of carrying two on me.

I work at a restaurant and it makes me kinda sad to see how many disposable straws people use... It especially irks me when adults ask for a straw for their water. Like, why? You're a grown up! Do you use a straw to drink water at home? Probably not. But I just say ok and bring them one cause it's my job.

Little things add up. The seemingly small decisions you make day to day have an impact. Be a square and say "no straw" with your drink order. Keep a reusable straw with you. Or just drink straight from the cup like the competent human you are, I believe in you!

I bought some silicone reusable straws that come with a few cleaners here: http://a.co/0wVX7ou


And I sewed a few little carrying pouches to keep a couple straws and a cleaner in my purse :) I made a few because the first ones were so funky :P

I like to keep reusable straws with me when I go out so I don't use disposable ones which are just so wasteful! But I don't want something I use to drink to just be loose in my purse, especially once I use it and it's dirty! So I sewed a couple pouches that fit two straws and a cleaner. When the pouches get dirty I can just throw them in with the laundry! Sewing is not my strong suit but I like practicing and will get better. The one on the left is the first one I made so it's a little funky... Well, they're both funky but whatevs! I just couldn't find a pouch the right size for my straws so I made these! Yay! . . #diy #reusablestraws #ecofriendly #sewing #pouch #handmade #recycle #reuse #conserve #sew #artsandcrafts #straws #straw #pipote #pipotes #popotes #popote #beverage #sip #drinkware
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Wednesday, February 7, 2018

books are good life is good

I recently finished reading Interview with the Vampire by Anne Rice. It was really good! I've started reading the next book in the series The Vampire Lestat. Then on to the next book in the series Queen of the Damned. If they keep being good I might read the whole series but that's like 12 books so I'll see.

I sent my brother the E-book of Ready Player One because I read it and thought he would like it too. He's 13. His name is Nicolas. He said he read it all and really liked it! I read it because when I went to the movies with my boyfriend and he saw the preview for the movie of it that's coming out this year he geeked out pretty hard since it's one of his favorite books. I'm excited about it! The movie comes out March 29th. Even if you don't read fast you could for sure finish the book in time. Go read it! The movie will undoubtedly be quite different.

My boyfriend and I were talking recently and he mentioned something that was referenced in his favorite book of all time The Name of The Wind that I tried to read but didn't get into and just have sitting on my bookshelf. I'm gonna try to read it again I swear! He was whining about how I didn't give the book a proper chance but then I came back at him with, "Sorry I've only read two of the three books you've recommended to me! (Ready Player One and Interview with the Vampire). Maybe you should finish reading The Sandman series I lent you and then you can whine at me!" I love the Sandman comics by Neil Gaiman. Everyone who has read them loves them. I bought them all so I could lend them to people because they really are fantastic and my boyfriend is now on the second of ten graphic novels. I lent them to him when we started dating over a year ago and they're comic books! So he should be done by now! So no whining from him about how far I am into his reading list!

My brother is really good at chess. He's so good that I don't like to play him anymore because I lose so quickly. So I bring my magnetic chess board to family functions and have him play another adult so I can watch and force him to be social without getting all frustrated at the game.

I want to learn to play poker. I'm going to do that. And I want to play pool and badminton more often.

I've started working out again after a long time. I've worked out often enough in the past that it doesn't take long for me to see results. You don't have to work out for a long amount of time or even especially hard to see results. Just work out often. If you work out every other day for like even half an hour you will see results in a matter of a couple weeks. Sooner if you are used to working out and have worked out in the past. Your body remembers how it feels and muscle memory is a real thing so it's really not hard. I'm happy about it. I do a little with free weights at home and some yoga and I feel great after. I have these sets of cards called The Yoga Deck and I just pull like 4 cards from the deck and each one has a different pose on it. I do each pose in order that I pulled them out and then do them all again. I love going to a yoga studio and to the gym but I don't have enough money to renew my gym membership at the moment. I get paid Friday though haaaay!

I wish everybody had a Google calendar. Instead of being like, "when are you free?" "what's your work schedule?" you could just look at it. One of my friends sent me her calendar and I sent her mine and now we just know when the other person is available and how that matches up with our schedule. It's soooooooo easy now!

But life is good right now. Reading books, working out, catching up on bills, enjoying my new job. There's nice people there, I'm feeling comfortable working there, and blah blah blah. They have really good macaroni and cheese.

I'm in a happy place and just wanted to take some time to appreciate that because something crazy is always on it's way. I'm happy :3

Monday, January 29, 2018

money is a thing

A few days before Christmas 2017 my car stopped working. The transmission software was faulty because Fords just be like that sometimes. This really sucked because Lyft was my only job at the time. Also, because the issue the car was having was a Ford specific issue the only place I could get it fixed was a Ford dealership and the soonest appointment I could get was two weeks out.

So for Christmas my world kind of collapsed. I really like Christmas but things were really hard. After seeing just how long I wouldn't be able to drive for Lyft I decided to apply for a job because sitting around not having an income is not something I can do.

My cousin Diego heard about the issues I was having because his mom/my aunt Sofia had called me to talk to me about it because she knew that car troubles could really disrupt my life. Diego has been working at a restaurant for a few years and he encouraged me to apply. I'm really glad he did and I'm sure he put in a good word for me because I got an interview and got hired pretty quickly after I applied.

I've been working there almost a month now and I really like it. The food is all really good, it's actually one of my favorite places to eat at even before I worked there, and the business is just run really well. The shifts are relatively short too which I kind of like. I will still need to drive for Lyft to make as much money as I need to but now I don't have to completely rely on my car.

So yeah, eventually my car did get fixed and I have it back now and everything is all good there. And I have a regular job like a normal adult and it's going well.

While I was waiting for my car to be fixed I of course had a lot of bills piling up. I'm catching up now but times was tough man. My boyfriend actually paid my rent, my PG&E bill and even helped me buy nonslip shoes from Payless for my new job because my old ones were hurting my feet. Yeah, things were so bad I couldn't even afford shoes from Payless.

My aunt Sofia and my aunt Dora also gave me some money to help me out... and my mom gave me some money too to help me get back on track.

When I started working at the restaurant as part of their training they would have me order a few items from the menu each night so I would know what everything tasted like so I could recommend things to customers. This was so convenient because I could take leftovers home. I was so broke that I wasn't even grocery shopping. I would get milk and cereal but other than that I was trying to not spend any money at all so I could afford to get my car back once the mechanics were done with it.

My mom was in Mexico for the holidays and was gonna be there for 3 weeks. I emailed her to let her know the situation with the car since I didn't want her to just hear about it second hand from family members. Her name is also on the car so it could affect her if I ended up trading it in or something. She called me a screamed at me...

Apparently there was hella drama happening in Mexico with family issues and stuff she was dealing with and hearing me talk about my own issues was too much stress for her. When she started screaming at me I hung up on her. I then didn't hear anything from her until weeks later when she got back from vacation. I was really hurt. I had no car, no source of income, and she screamed at me and then didn't even communicate with me at all for weeks. My mom couldn't even be bothered to ask me if I was ok. I didn't ask her for money or any help, I just wanted her to care... She does care though... she just really doesn't handle stress well and lashes out at people when she is overwhelmed.

We've talked since then and I basically told her that I can deal with the challenges of life and the stress that comes with it but I can't handle her screaming at me. Emotionally it's just too much for me to deal with. Nobody screams at me ever. I'm an adult and if you get so overwhelmed that you need to freak out and scream do that by yourself and get it out of your system before you try to talk to me.

But her and I have talked and she has apologized and she's helping me out now. I'm still sad that for a few weeks I was dealing with so many financial problems and my boyfriend was helping me so much while my mom wasn't even talking to me... but dwelling on that isn't going to help anything. I'm really grateful my boyfriend has helped me so much. I am going to pay him back over time as much as I can but he's not too worried about it.

My boyfriend just helps people like that. He doesn't do it because he feels obligated to or he expects anything in return or so he can brag to anybody about doing nice things for people... He just does nice things for people because he can. I think if you can help others you just should. It's not a matter of right and wrong or whatever, it's just what you do. I'm so thankful to have someone in my life who values that and cares about me.

So my aunt Dora gave me some money, my aunt Sofia gave me some money and lent me her car, my cousin Amanda lent me her car too, my cousin Diego helped me get a job, my Mom gave me some money eventually, my boyfriend paid my rent, my PG&E and helped me get work shoes, and also my friend Angela will hang out with me and pay for stuff for me a lot of the time when we go out to eat cause she knows I be broke and stuff.

I'm really really REALLY lucky to have all these generous people in my life because honestly otherwise I'd have lost my apartment, might have struggled to find a decent job, and would not have even been able to get my car back from the mechanic.

I really feel bad for people who don't have family members they are close to. My boyfriend only really has his mom and his grandma, his mom's mom, in his life. My family all really like him though and so I hope he gets more comfortable hanging out with them overtime. It's not that he doesn't like them or anything! We're just a bunch of loud Mexicans and he's a quiet white guy so sometimes I think we scare him a little haha. But it's all fun and good times! I'm really happy my boyfriend has a lot of strong friendships though. I kind of hate one of his best friends but I try not to let that bother me since I know his friends are a sort of family to him. My boyfriend is sad I don't like his friend but it's like dude, I am still nice to the dude and if you invite me to hang out with him as a group I do it at least 60% of the time.

I on the other hand have like 2 friends and endless acquaintances but I also have my sister, I'm pretty close to one of my cousins who is almost my same age, there are my aunts who are fun to spend time with, my mom, my brother who is 13 and my little cousins are pretty neat, so if I really think about it I have a lot of cool people to spend time with.

Life is life is life. My car was crappy and my financial situation was dire but I have a really strong support system of family members and friends who helped me get through it.

So Christmas 2017 and the beginning of 2018 was HELLA stressful but things are getting back under control and I know there are people who care about me in my life who are there for me so ultimately 2018 is going awesome so far and life is good.

Also, being broke has taught me a lot:

  • Experiences are worth way more than material possessions. Buyers remorse is real. That shiny thing you bought will get boring faster than you think it will. That trip you took, or that thing you did with people you are about will being meaningful for your whole lives.
  • Before spending money on anything have an inner dialogue with yourself to determine if it's something actually useful and not just something that is exciting in that moment.
  • If you like collecting things make sure they are something affordable. For example, I like doing arts and crafts but I primarily crochet and yarn is cheap as hell so it's an easy hobby to afford.
  • Regularly set aside some money for yourself to actually enjoy. It's possible to save all your money and only spend it on the essentials but that's no way to live. You have to do fun stuff to make life worthwhile, just budget accordingly. For example, I love going to the movies but that adds up! I signed up for MoviePass though which is $9 a month and let's me see a movie in theatres everyday if I want. I live right by a movie theatre and now I go to the movies like 3 times a month for less than the cost of one ticket. Worth it!
  • A lot of the bills you pay can have the payment dates moved if you call them or chat with customer service online. Sometimes my phone bill is due a few days before my payday but if I contact Sprint they always let me move the date. Most places will work to accommodate you because ultimately they want your money!
  • If you're late on a credit card payment nobody is gonna die. Yes this hurts your credit and yes it can cause late fees and stuff but if you're literally so broke that you have run completely out of food then that takes priority over a damn credit card bill.
  • Hanging up on the random weird ass phone numbers that credit card companies call and harass you from is hella satisfying.
  • If your internet gets shut off chat with the customer service online to get the lowest price possible to get it turned back on when you can. What's her name customer service lady on the phone in the U.S. is gonna tell you they need a $100 deposit to turn your internet back on, but what's her name customer service lady in India on the online customer service chat is gonna tell you you can get your service turned back on for $50 which you don't need to pay for another 30 days. Fuck you Comcast, I'll find out the best deal possible by talking to like 5 different people through various channels cause I'm broke as hell and have no shame about it!
  • Keep track of your bills in Google Calendar. You can update it easily online and then it's also right there in your phone. Color code your calendar so events are blue or whatever and bills and financial stuff is green. Green = money. Durr. Make it as easy as possible to quickly recognize what is due when. Don't let these payment dates sneak up on you!
  • Automatic payments are great if they are for small amounts but don't commit to these things unless you know you will have the funds in the account they're being drawn from. Overdraft fees and whatever can ruin your life man.
  • Avoid going out to eat. It adds up! And don't go out to drink. I'm not saying don't ever drink alcohol, but pregame and hey recreational marijuana is legal now in California so just get high and go party. It lasts longer and doesn't hurt your body like getting drunk does. Don't drink and drive or get high and drive though kids! Share a Lyft with friends.
  • Have cheap hobbies you can do alone. Reading, art, practice an instrument. Books are free at the library, art supplies are inexpensive compared to the amount of time and enjoyment you can get out of them, and an instrument requires an initial investment for the instrument itself but you can teach yourself to play using the internet or books or whatever and it can provide so much entertainment time! Make it your new thing. Being creative is not expensive.
  • Play outside. Walk your friend's dog. Go shoot hoops. Go play tennis. If you have the supplies then it's a free fun thing you can do whenever you want!
  • Learn to tell people no when they invite you to something you can't afford. Yeah I wanna go to the club but I can't. Yeah I wanna go on a trip but I can't. If you catch me hella in advance I can budget for it. Otherwise I'm not gonna fuck myself financially because I feel bad saying no.
  • Don't go to shit you don't actually want to go to just because your friends want you to. Yeah I like hanging out with y'all but our friend's band sucks so no I'm not paying money for that. It's not harsh or mean, it's the truth. Don't feel bad. You need to take care of yourself sometimes.
  • Learn to cook simple meals for yourself. Cuts down on money spent going out to eat and makes your life easier.
  • Replace foods that go bad quickly with ones that don't. For example, I buy coconut creamer because it last like a month longer than regular creamer. I don't use creamer often but I like to have it and it sucks to buy it and then throw half of it away cause it went bad.
  • Plan to freeze foods so you can eat them for longer. Bread can go in the freezer. Just toast it and it's good to eat for pretty much ever. Always have some kind of protein in the freezer so it's alway available as an option.
  • And blah blah blah this blog is way too long I'm about to go enjoy my internet that just got turned back on yay~!